Worry Train......Still Chugging Along

Sigh..... Rob and I and Scout went in for a routine doctor's appointment today and ended up at American Fork Hospital, hooked up to a fetal monitor. Our little bean (we are calling Scout "Bean" and the baby "little bean" for the time being) anyway, she was presenting an irregular heartbeat and signs of fetal distress. After a few scary hours, we were sent home with reassurances and 99% odds that everything will be alright in the end. With that in mind, I will explain the events of the day.

I go to a practice that employs 3 doctors, you routinely see all three so you know them all so when you go into labor, the doctor that happens to be on call that day, you are familiar with and he is familiar with you. The 3rd doctor only joined the practice a year or so ago, and this appointment happened to be my first with him. So anyway, he asked me the normal questions and blah blah blah, lays me down to check the baby's heart rate. Now, I learned a little something from my molar pregnancy-- be concerned when a doctor takes longer to do something you've seen done a million times and is silent. Silent = bad. My doctor was silent, and after a long time I was like, "what is wrong?" He tells me that the he detects an irregularity in the baby's heart rate. He said right there that at 28 weeks, that could be completely normal, but it's hard to tell with only listening for a few minutes and he wanted to monitor me for a longer amount of time hooked up to a machine. Keeping my panic at bay (who am I kidding? TRYING to keep my panic at bay), I follow him into a little room with lazy boys and monitors and a nurse hooks me up. She leaves and Rob and I are looking at each other like, "are you kidding me (kitten me?)" and we watch the heart monitor record our baby's beats. It seemed all over the place (we later learned that is a good thing), but after 20 minutes, the doctor reviewed it and saw some dips he didn't like. I guess the rate went down really low a few times and he then explained that it could be a pinched cord or the cord could be around the baby's neck. He gave me instructions to monitor the baby's movements a few times a day (10 movements in an hour = good), he reassured me that the baby measured perfectly and is growing right on target, which in this situation is a really good thing. He also wanted to see me again in a week to check the heart again, he said that at this point, a week of growth will be significant enough in umbilical cord growth and strength and baby growth to possibly leave all this behind us, assuming that the baby is still kicking around a lot. I was still hooked up as he was talking and I had told him that I had had a contraction or two during the monitoring and that seemed to concern him a little. But while he was talking he noticed the baby's rate drop again and he asked me if I was having a contraction and I was, so he said, "ok, I've changed my mind, I want to have an ultrasound done again to check the fluids and then I'd like to send you to the hospital and have them monitor you for a little while there." Rob piped up then with many questions, as this was getting fairly scary. He got out of him that it isn't the baby's development that has him concerned, it was stress associated with the umbilical cord. This was somewhat cheering, as thoughts of a baby with a bum heart were swimming through our brains and dying babies that need heart surgery at birth is not quite what we want in our near future. As I've said before-- WE LIKE HEALTHY BABIES!!!

So, we had our ultrasound and got to see little bean, and her fluid looked good. The doctor liked that news, as low levels of amniotic fluid can be a bad sign in this situation. So, we drive over to the hospital and get hooked up in a room and kind of go through the same thing. Scout found all of this quite interesting and fell in love with our nurse, who brought her vanilla "biscuits" and wafers and orange juice. She kept saying that she liked what she saw, and didn't see any of the drops the doc did in the office, this is explained by the baby possibly was hanging on to her cord, or pinching it with her shoulder or other such shenanigans. What she did see/hear was an arrhythmia though. So, I don't know if these two things are connected or what or really what is going on right now. I was armed with the knowledge that this is fairly common at my baby's age and also that in 99% of these cases, the arrhythmia resolves on it's own around birth. I tried to get out of her what happens to the other 1% of babies (as we all know, I now laugh at odds). She wasn't sure and told us that a pediatrician would know more then her about that, I said "surgery?" and she nodded in a non committal fashion.

So, after two hours in the same position, pressing on a monitor because the baby was squirmy and kept kicking it, and Rob having had skipped lunch, and Scout getting progressively more wired thanks to cookies and juice laced with monkey beans, we were very happily discharged and got hamburgers and went home (but not before the nurse gave her a few biscuts for the road).

Tonight, I think I am ok with this, I feel good about the baby showing no signs of distress while at the hospital. I am ok with the baby's "odds" that she will get over this, and be a normal happy healthy newborn, yet, inevitably, I know I will worry. I know I will be doing the fetal movement checks several times a day. I know I will rejoice with every kick she gives my rib cage from now on, knowing that she is alive and kicking. I know I will constantly be thinking about that tiny little heart in there, and hoping it is doing it's thing and being a good little heart for my little one. I suppose I'll know more next week (or not), my appointment is on Tues afternoon, and I will update you all with the latest.

I guess Rob and I are made to be kept on our toes for this one still. Why? Wish I knew. We talked tonight how we again long for the days of Scout's carefree pregnancy. Ah, those were the days......

***Update***
I did a little internet research today on the subject of irregular fetal heart rates and am feeling a lot better about the whole thing. It seems that it is a low level of these babies that do have any sort of problems, and these babies are associated with having a heart beat that goes very high (over 200) for a period of time and my baby's never went over 160. Even then, this seems to be fixed with medication in utero and after birth. No one said anything about surgery, so that is certainly good news to us. Here is one such example of the articles I read that seemed informative and from a reliable source if you're interested.

The Cousin Snails

As some of you may know, we have had a very snail filled summer so far. It started with my interest in the fact that snails have ravaged the little flower border I planted along my porch. This interested Scout and she eventually found a few on the porch and played with them and wanted them inside. We put them in a little box for a few hours and it was enough time for her to form a strong bond with these nasty gooey insect things. When I told her it was time to take them back outside, she didn't really protest, but sat on the porch with them for 15 minutes talking to them in a sad little voice about how much she was going to miss them and on and on and on. Long story short, they now reside in a jar in our house with some holes poked in the top, every other day, cleaned out by me (yes, snails do poo) and are given a fresh leaf of lettuce from our fridge. They are referred to as the mommy, daddy and baby snail.

So the other day, I see some snails resting happy as clams in the shade under our front plants while turning the hose on. I told Scout we were going on a snail hunt (I have a garden you know and don't want snails. I HATE snails! They are vile and ugly and most of all, eat my plants). I figured the best way to get rid of them is to pluck them from where they sleep and discard them. Scout was only too eager to help me out, which is good, because I am a bit squeemish and don't relish touching them if I ever can help it. We got a zip loc bag and started going to town. We explored in all our bushes and pluck pluck plucked resting snails from every cranny we could find. This is the result:

I honestly don't know what I was planning to do with them when I was done. I am not above smashing a single snail if noticed on the street or somewhere, but that much snail carnage at one time makes me a little uneasy. Yes, there is a soft spot with me even for snails. I suppose I could have lied to Scout and at some point closed up the bag, tossed them in the trash and forgotten about them and fed her a story (I think that would have disturbed me a little, for a while anyway). While I was pondering what to do, Scout wanted to go upstairs to the office and show daddy our haul. He thought they were really cool and thought maybe we could take them to a new home down by the river. Scout was opposed at first until I reminded her that there was no way we were keeping a hundred snails. They were almost immediately named "the cousin snails" (side note: I should mention that inbetween the jarred snails and the great snail hunt, Scout found another snail and wanted to add it to the jar. I told her no, she may not bring any more snails in the jar, she may only have the 3 she already had. She said, "but this is the cousin snail". Daddy wisely pointed out that cousins live in other houses, so it was set back outside and for a while (a few days) she would periodically open the front door and yell out, "Hi Amy snail!" --for those of you that don't know, Amy is my sister and mother to 5 of Scout's cousins in Wyoming. For the record, all of Scout's beloved relatives are dubbed "cousins". Aunts, Uncles, grandma, grandpa they are all just referred to collectively as the cousins.--) Anyway, we finally got her on board with the new snail home which outlines the golf course by our house and is perhaps a 2 minute drive from our house, but there is a substantual cliff seperating us, so they shall never find their way back to my tomatoes or beans. This was a satisfying option for me too, so we took that picture on the stairs, Scout's snail family wanted to come along for the ride, and we all piled into the car to make our drop. We got there and walked around until we found a nice little grassy area next to a bush and the water (and a substantial amount of circling birds -do birds eat snails? If so, they were eating good that night!) We dropped off the cousin snails and took a picture:
So that's our snail tale. My favorite part about the story (besides the fact that all those pictured snails used to reside in my front yard, are now far far away) came a day or two ago. Rob has taken to going to the golf course on nights I work and he and Scout go play 9 holes together. This is Scout's biggest thrill to go in the golf cart with daddy. The Cedar Hills Course is very very hilly and has long cart rides that include a tunnel, so this is as you can imagine a very exciting thing to go do with daddy while mommy is away. She is so good and well behaved and does exactly what he tells her to do while out there (she must have an internal knowledge of golf etiquette in there somewhere). Anyway, I just think that is so cute they go do that. While on the first or second hole you are at the top and can happen to see the snail drop off zone and the other day Scout looks, recognizes it and goes, "dad! Look, it's snail Wyoming!"

Baby Dolls Abound

Throughout Scout's young life she has been given 3 baby dolls for different Christmases and Birthdays. None of them got more then about 5 minutes of attention from her before ending up at the bottom of her stuffed animal box. They just haven't been her thing. Don't get me wrong, she does have the "little girl nurturing thing" going, she just hasn't had any interest in human like babies. She has put to bed countless numbers of monkeys, kitties, doggies, elephants, zebras, etc. in little doll beds. Has fed them bottles, cradled them in her arms, rolled her monkey around the grocery store many times in her dolly stroller. I've even been made to put a diaper on Cookie Monster and a Care Bear.
Things have been changing in our household since news of our impending arrival. It started with an interest in two of her dolls. She knew they needed a mommy but thought she was too young, she was the older sister. This would have been fine except it gave me a lot more responsibility then I was willing. She wanted me to carry them around while doing housework and put them to bed every night in my bed with me (and Rob) no less. Every night after she went to sleep they would get shooed to the floor and there they would stay until she came into our room in the morning and I would inevitably get it from her. "Mom! Your babies fell off!" "Oops" I'd say and put them back into bed. I would use her to babysit as much as I could, but for a good month or so I was the primary care giver.
Well as you can see from the pictures, Scout has assumed the role of mom (let's face it, I was probably fired). What a super mom she is too! She is juggling quite a handful with all those babies on her front and back and in the stroller (she found the smallest doll recently in some forgotten place somewhere). She has yet to take all 3 with her at one time but I can see it happening any day now.

I think it's cute that the prospects of a baby sister have made her see her dolls in a different light. I think we should get her one of those more lifelike baby dolls that come with a blanket and change of clothes and bottles etc for when the baby is born. I think she would really like one to take care of with me when I take care of creepy baby george.Very silly, and I didn't think it right to let this picture just sit in my computer lost in the archives.



Speaking of silly, if you caught a glimpse of something red on her face in that picture at the park..... there you go. Where did this kid come from??

Another Girl

If you haven't heard the news already I would be very surprised. But we (especially Scout) are very happy to announce that we are having a little girl. What's more, she is looking very healthy and doesn't have a dang thing wrong with her.

Now, when I awaited my ultrasound when I was preggo with Scout, for months I was absolutely consumed with her gender and finding out. It wasn't until the moment before the tech put the stick on my belly that I panicked and a million concerns about the baby's well being flooded my thoughts. Luckily, I only experienced a few seconds of this feeling before seeing her move around and be perfect and healthy and had legs and arms. Well, I am not the happy go lucky woman I once was. This time, I have gone through years worrying about this baby and if it is going to be healthy and normal. It's been magnified since carrying this baby, but I've pretty much worried about yesterday for years.

A funny thing happens when you loose a baby in utero. All of a sudden, people start telling you about every person they had ever met that had a nightmare of a pregnancy. I don't know if it is just what pops into their heads (I know I do it too, it's a total human nature thing). But all I heard were stories about every chromosomal abnormality in the book and plenty of umbilical cord accidents and scary births. Just two months after my loss a woman in my ward I had sat next to just 2 days before she gave birth, died in childbirth following a really rare complication and left I think 7 young children (plus, the poor baby had a huge cyst on her neck -totally unrelated to the mother's complication). What I am trying to say is, pregnancy and birth suddenly became a very scary thing and I couldn't believe that any babies were ever born healthy. Not to mention I was going through blood tests to check for cancer every week to see if my pregnancy had given me cancer (who knew that was even out there?) . Anyway, my condition gave me several golf ball size cysts on my ovaries, then I suffered from infertility, had to go on fertility drugs. All these things together made me doubt my abilities to ever grow a healthy egg into a healthy baby.

This whole pregnancy I've been excited but there has ALWAYS been a little cloud over my head that there could be something wrong. The scare of having another molar pregnancy went away in the first 7 weeks when I got my first ultrasound (Thanks to being "high risk" now I get early ultrasounds). But the baby at that point was only a little bean with a heart. Most of my fears didn't go away though, I was waiting to toss them aside in favor of my 20 week ultrasound when they can really get a look at the bean. Well the time for that came yesterday and let me tell you, I have been a nervous wreck for about a week. Rob was nervous too, he said that he is trying not to get too excited about the baby. I think we were both waiting for the ultrasound before we took a good, deep breath.

Luckily it was at 9 in the morning so I didn't have to be a total wreck all day. I started to relax the minute she put the stick on my belly this time and saw a head, body, two arms and two legs. I am sure I was annoying since every time she said anything I would go, "that's good right??" She did thorough measurements, checked heart chambers, major blood vessels, leg length, arm length, spine, face, this baby got the works -and passed with flying colors, she looked perfect. AND measured 3 days big, so there is a compromise between my two due dates, but they didn't officially move it, but he unofficially did to the 16th. (Small victory.)

She was sitting with her little ankles crossed and was sound asleep the whole time (a drastic contrast to Scout who was moving around so much the tech had a very difficult time doing the measurements). The tech even kept making comments about what an active one I had. Her feet didn't hold still for a second, it was quite funny. Anyway, this one was lazy as could be. The tech was trying to make sure about gender she said she had a good idea, but wasn't sure. So she giggled my stomach quite a bit to get her up and at-em and we got to watch her wake up and she actually yawned. It was very cute to see. Then she moved around and stretched a bit and she finally told us with assurance that we had a little girl. Scout was right there with us watching the screen and I said, "Scout! You're going to have a sister!" And she immediately went into a happy dance. Cutest thing ever. I was so happy for her. After that she was showing us all some ballet moves and really getting into it. She really gets it and is really excited. She kept telling everyone she wanted a sister, I kept telling her that a little brother would be fun too. I don't think she believed me, but I wanted to cover our bases. Well, she was right all along. And, Rob and I couldn't be more thrilled at the miracle that is a healthy baby.
Now, everyone needs to help me talk Rob into the name "Mallory".

Jonny Greenwood, Master Musician

It's time for another installment in my Radiohead series. It's no secret, I'm a little obsessed with Jonny. Here's the deal- he's bloody brilliant. Not only is he a major creative force behind the music of Radiohead, he writes classical music, is the "composer-in-residence" for the BBC (anyone know what that means?) plays several instruments (besides the guitar- viola, xylophone, glockenspiel, ondes Martenot, banjo*, harmonica and drums) *I've heard that he has tried to sneak the banjo into some of Radiohead's songs and the rest of the band will have none of it. He also wrote the score for There Will Be Blood --can you imagine that movie without that haunting score? He was robbed of an Oscar nom since he used a little music he had written earlier, although I can't imagine he cares much. He also does most to all of the electronic computer generated sounds that make Radiohead Radiohead. Besides all of that, the man can play the guitar like no other. Out of a long line of brilliant lead guitarists in the past 40 years or so, none have moved me the way his playing has. I certainly won't say he is the best guitarist the world has known, what I will say is that his style of playing and what he writes is totally in sync with my soul and ears.
He has his own style of playing (one that keeps him in an arm brace from injuries and nowadays usually just preventative) and watching him play, I am not surprised. Because of his unique style, I think I ought to show you rather then just tell you. When I did Thom's post I focused on the lyrics of their songs, so I displayed the lyrics and enabled you to listen to the song too. I think showing you how Jonny plays is the appropriate way to go here.

I am going to start with probably my favorite song to hear him play.

Too bad he isn't featured more. Ah well, Thom is great in this video that was very well directed by the way. I love at the end when the whole band goes to the window to see what is going on below. The whole band except Jonny as he is most certainly still back there playing away.


You can watch this one if only just for his shirt.

Whoever owns the rights to their videos, the record company they left unamicably a few years ago perhaps- has disabled all embeding on their videos, some miracle gave me Just (I don't know how I found that), anyway you'll have to go here to see Creep.
It is long rumored that Jonny hates this song and tried to ruin it with some guitar antics. I have no idea if this is true, but if it is he failed miserably as I find his guitar work makes this song. One of my favorite images of Jonny will always be him beating his guitar while playing this song. Have a laugh at Thom's hair in this one. I think Kurt Cobain had a similar hairstyle around the same time. An interesting (yet cute) style that happened in the nineties. Jonny's is notable too. Speaking of his hair, it would break my heart if he ever cut his. But I think we're safe. I don't know if he could play without his hair in his face.

Here is a little live action of Jonny using some of his computer sound skills. You may not be able to tell what he is doing, but at the end during his solo thing he is using a complicated computer program he controls with his guitar and a series of pedals. Interesting stuff.
On a sidenote, this song is from Hail to the Thief which was written soon after Thom's first son was born. The whole album shows the impact this event had in his life. This song is a lullaby for him. Rockin lullaby. Good stuff. I suppose it's the stuff Scout falls asleep to also.
While I am at it, here is a little tidbit about the personal side of Jonny. He has been married for most of the band's life and I think is the only one that is married although, the rest have been in long term relationships with kids and stuff. He has three kids: Tamir, Omri and Zohar (sweet names, I can only guess his Israli wife has a heavy hand in the names). I want a kid named Zohar. He drinks rarely, which is also from what I hear, quite different from the rest of his bandmates. He also owns chickens. He hates cds, he favors records and uses those when ever possible.
A picture posted on their website by Jonny's brother (his older brother Colin is the bass player for Radiohead). This was taken during the current tour and was entitled "No one will play Scrabble with Jonny".

There is something about it that I love.

Scout's Art Gallery

Scout loves to draw, and I have collected some of my favorite pictures she's drawn over the last 6 months and thought I would post them.

A snake


This is a picture of me, Rob and Scout (with a baby in her tummy), 2 peaches and a dancing monkey

This is a portrait of me

and another one-
these were done about 6 months apart and my favorite part about them is that she included my little green ipod shuffle on my hip- both times.


This is a parrot, and includes his lunch of 3 avocados and 3 apples (if it seems a little trippy and psychedelic, note that it was done during a Motrin induced lull that Sunday when she had the high fever)


This is a picture of her (the red blob at the bottom) and a sleeping moon


This is B

This is a lizard family


This is a snake family
She named them all and wrote their names next to them. The only problem is "Scout" is the only name she knows how to write...

A jellyfish, a ghost and a giraffe next to a tree

Grandpa
(Grandpa must appear very tall indeed to a child -I love his arms!)

This one kills me and I thought I would let you all guess on what it might be a picture of....