Random Sentences Heard at Our House, I

It's been a long time since I wrote a good old Scout post.  

For the last few months, I've been writing down sentences she says that I think- I wonder what someone would think if they just heard that and didn't know Scout? For those of us that do know her, I suppose we think pretty much the same thing......

(fast walking past Rob and I on her way to her room as we sit at the kitchen table)

"I need to go get more crow's milk before my baby starts to get fussy"

"Mom, what bird would you like to be if you were an angry bird that lived in an ipad?"

"Pretend I'm a panda and we just got dinner at Chick-Fil-Bamboo"

"I wonder if Jesus likes Utah [Utes] or BYU......"

"Mom- can I be a jackrabblit that laid a bunny egg?  I already laid a giraffe that likes cowboys"

I'll keep the list going.

Funny Girl

Scout, almost 6


This morning (early, like 7), I am lying in bed, woken up by Scout playing pretty loudly in her room. This is what I hear:

(shaky sheep/goat voice): "Earthquake!!!!!"

then in some other more regular voices:
"earthquake!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"oh no!"
"But I paid my taxes!"

Rob and I started giggling at the goat voice (until then didn't know the other was awake), but when we heard the tax line we about died laughing. We think got that line from "the boy who cried wolf" done by the Muppets on a video the girls watched all week, two weeks ago. It was just quite random to hear. We love listening to her when she doesn't know she has an audience.



Then later today:

Scout was trying to put a videotape* into our tv in the livingroom (it's tricky, there was a tape already in there and it doesn't eject properly).

"mom! It's not working!" (trying to shove a tape in, in the wrong direction)

"Well, you have to take the other one out first" (ejecting tape for her)

(Scout, trying to put the tape in -still turned around-)

"you need to turn it around"

(turning tape around and trying to shove it in again, but at a slight angle, so it still doesn't work) "See! It doesn't work!"

"You need to put it in straight" (me, demonstrating the correct way and the tape slides right in)

"How come you know everything?"

(deciding to accept that) "because I am smart and I'm old"

"You don't know everything- how many muscles are in an elephant's trunk?"

"I don't know, how many?"

"4,000 muscles"

(put in my place) "Wow, I didn't know that"











*Yes, I know "Videotapes", but we have one built into our living room tv and we discovered that our library has a much bigger collection of kid's movies on videocassette then they do on DVD. (especially Muppet movies which they both are totally into right now). LAY OFF!

Random Scout observation of the day......

Scout 5 1/2-

(observing me getting dressed this morning)

"Everyone puts their pants on first.......................except for cavemen."

Please get well soon!

Scout 5 1/2-

She has been sick with a fever since Wednesday morning and was lying on the couch this afternoon feeling sorry for herself. She hit that point that she thought she's been sick forever and she can't go to school and can't play with friends, etc. (I must admit to being ready to whine about all of that myself). After complaining, she decided I needed to do something to cheer her up like giving her something "funny". I put on her favorite Chip and Dale Christmas cartoon that makes her laugh lots and she said, "also something else funny". So I looked in the book/magazine basket by the couch and grabbed the Calvin and Hobbes book her cousin Adri gave her for Christmas and she said, "no, I mean do something funny with your body".

(I don't know quite what she expected but I really wasn't in the mood to dance or do anything else "funny" with my body).

A little later, she was still on the couch and Rob was on the computer and I walked in the kitchen and told him the story and we both laughed until we hear from the living room: DON'T LAUGH AT ME I'M SICK!!!

I'm not sure about this whole thing

Scenario Scout came up with today: (5 1/2)

Pretend that I am a baby tiger and you are my owner and I am eating blood soup (she's really eating tomato soup). Pretend that you found me in the safari and my mommy tiger said it was alright, you could take me- she'll just make another baby- cause that's the spirit of Christmas.

That WOULD be a miracle

Scout 5 1/2-

I don't remember what led to me telling Scout the entire story of Jesus on the way to ballet yesterday, but she asked me to, so I did. I started with His birth and went on from there. When I got to the part about how He healed the sick, blind, and lame, she took that in and then said, "maybe He could touch Elinor so she could walk".

I swear that girl thinks of everything.

Jackass

An old story from my life was recently unearthed, one I had forgotten about (Rob hadn't even heard it) but it was retold as a submission to a podcast I listen to. I ended up being the only story they read on the air. The subject was "jackass moments" (this is a movie podcast and they were reviewing Jackass 3D that week and wanted listeners to send in their own stories). Apparently they were quite surprised that their best moment came from a girl. For prosperity's sake, I have decided to share it on my blog. I am just going to paste the original email so I don't have to re write it if that's alright with you guys and I am going to go ahead and file it under Journal of Funnies, I will allow mom to have one entry. If I'm not mistaken, dad has one:

Emily - 22

Sorry I'm late in the game, but I listened late. I have a story that is jackass-y but I didn't do it on purpose, so I am not sure it counts. Perhaps it's more of a "predicament".
So, whilst living in one of my apartments in college, one of my roommates dropped something behind the fridge. They were unsuccessful pulling the fridge out further then about 2 feet, so there wasn't any space to grab the item from anywhere but from the counter. Being tall (and therefore having long limbs), I volunteered to lay on the counter top, across the stove and reach my arms down to the floor, to grasp the object (I've forgotten what it was). So I get on the counter, lay down and all was well and according to plan until my hip turned on the burner under me. I immediately supported myself with my hands on the floor and the only thing touching the counter top were my toes. My roommates quickly assessed what was going on and turned the burner off. The problem continued, since once those electric burners start, they don't cool down anytime soon. While they were in a tizzy trying to figure out what to do and I am in the meantime doing a fairly complicated push up (and giggling a little because I realized it was funny and I had acted quickly enough not to get burned), our friend's 18 year old brother (he was visiting for the week) happens to walk in, takes the scene in for a second and falls into fits of laughter. He then ran out to grab his brothers, not to help mind you, but as a "you've got to see this!". By the time the guys got there, one of my roommates had finally figured out to put hot pads on top of the offending burner and I was in the process of trying to lift myself out.


Emily (Cedar Hills, Utah)

(Oh, the podcast is Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider and I happened upon the podcast by listening to a different movie podcast I like where "Snider" was a guest and I remembered him as being a roommate of some old friends from a different apartment I lived in, and I had always found him to be very funny. He apparently doesn't remember me but I have since earned myself the title of "Official Utah fan" anyways. From Bayer, not Snider.)

A magical day

Scout - 5

This will require a little background to make sense, but it's funny so I will try to get you guys up to speed. Facts:

1. Yesterday was Elle's birthday.
2. On Scout's birthday (and about the month proceeding), she would decide she could do something (or will be able to do something) that she isn't doing now magically when she is five. Example: "Maybe when I'm five I will like that". When she did indeed turn five, what do you know- she tried it and ended up liking it. It also happened with things like the playground, something she wouldn't dare do, she got a burst of courage upon turning 5, attempted it and did it. For the most part I encouraged this practice since it was like she believed her mind expanded the second she was five and this proved to be a good thing in my eyes.
3. My parents came to town for Elle's bday, and Sue was coming too, and coming early enough to watch Scout's soccer game that day.
4. Scout's best friend Amber had a birthday party yesterday too.
5. We are dog sitting for an older couple in my neighborhood this week and "Chelsea" was due to arrive that morning shortly before the soccer game.

Ok- that should bring you up to speed.

SO- the morning of Elinor's birthday, Elle woke up at about 5 and I fed her in bed and we both fell back asleep. Scout woke up at 7 and apparently went looking for Elle. When she wasn't in her crib, came into our room. I was awakened by a poking finger on my shoulder and a news flash that it was Elle's birthday. When I responded, she went to the other side of the bed and Rob got the same treatment. Then she came back around to my side and approached the now awake Elinor and started in on her. She was convinced that Elle was going to be able to talk like a 5 year old or something. She was so confident that Elle would just repeat everything she said. She goes, "say horse" -silence. She tries again, "say candy cane" -silence. I told her that Elle will need more time and she can't just suddenly talk now and that she is pretty much how she was yesterday, except now she's one. Scout shrugs and trots off.
Later that morning.....
Scout is downstairs and so are me and Elle, I'm getting breakfast for the kids, etc. Scout is excited for the day ahead and jumping around the couch. She goes, "Today is a magical day!! Everything is magical! Grandma and Grandpa are here, Chelsea is coming, Amber's party is here, Aunt Sue is coming to my soccer game, everything is magical today-- except Elinor."

This became the joke of the day. Whenever something went right, or something fun happened or anything really- we would go, "everything is magical!" Then we would turn to Elinor and say, "except Elinor."

Speaking of Elinor's magical day-- look for posts on the subject coming soon.

Scout's on a roll

Scout - 5

(Lying on the floor in the hallway by the kitchen, while I cooked pancakes, running her fingers across the air vents)

Scout: "Mom, does anything live in these vents?"

Me: "No, just air."

Scout "Phew- air isn't monsters".

(I should add that Rob has a habit of teasing her once in a while when she directs her questions at him. This instance smacks of Rob's doing. There is no doubt in my mind that she asked him a question about those grates some time ago and got a very different answer then what I gave her. She knows enough by now to take what he says with a grain of salt and ask me later. --This doesn't mean that there isn't a corner of her mind that thinks what he says just might be true.)

For any new readers out there "Rob" isn't an older brother. Rob is daddy. Yep. You'd think he liked getting woken up in the middle of the night by a little girl with monster dreams..........

The Great Wall of Fish

Scout - 5

(Playing in front of the garage while Rob works inside it. She's pretending to fish with his practice pole.)

Scout, "I caught one"
Rob, "Good job! What kind of fish is it?"
Scout, "I don't know, let me check the guide book".
(Thumbs through some old sanding pads in the driveway)
"It's called "the great wall of fish" fish."
Rob, "That's a weird name for a fish"
Scout, "Yeah it is, I wonder why Jesus named it that,"

Bookmarks (and magic pockets)

Scout 4 1/2-

We went to the library today and then stopped at the store and Scout was looking at one of her books in the car. When we stopped at Smith's, she found a piece of paper on the seat, put it in the book to reserve her spot and closed it. Then she says, "This is a bookmark. Mom, I know what bookmarks are, they are things you put in your book to save your place when you have to go do something for your kid."

I cracked up thinking that was probably the only time she has seen them used- . I also liked her use of the word, "kid".

Rob 31 (and a half)-

(Can husbands have Journals of Funnies? Because mine needs one)

A little backstory: Rob has done this thing for a long time with Scout that he really gets a kick out of. Her coats have "magic pockets" and every once in a while, he will get her a treat and stuff it in her coat pocket for the next time she wears it and she gets a little surprise with what her magic pockets have done this time. Sometimes she doesn't notice and wears it a few times before finding it. Anyway, it's just a cute little thing he does and she is thoroughly convinced her pockets are magic.
So anyway, we were at church a little while ago and she happened to stick her hand inside her coat pocket (this is a coat she doesn't often wear- it's more light weight then the other) when she opened her hand to see what she had pulled out, it was a shriveled, old piece of broccoli. She looked up at both of us with a shocked and disgusted look on her face and Rob goes:
"I think your magic pocket is broken".

For the record, Rob did NOT put broccoli in her pocket as a magic pocket treat long ago, we have no idea where the broccoli came from, it was a surprise to us all.

I chuckle at the memory of that anytime I think of it. It was just too funny, I had to write it down.

Tornado Fun Fact

So finally, after quite some time, Scout said something funny and I actually hurried and wrote it down so I could remember it. So, after a very long time, here is another entry in the Journal of Funnies:

Scout 4 1/2:

"Mom, I heard today that tornadoes can sometimes knock down trees and wash baby chicks away and stuff. It said, "Fun Fact" but that isn't very fun is it?"

The Pirate of Cedar Hills and other stories

It's been quite some time since I posted a journal of funnies entry, so I got two (plus a bonus new dinosaur pic).

Scout - 4
Some months ago, Rob and I and Scout were shopping at the Smith's by our house and while leaving and as Rob was pulling forward out of the parking lot, a guy walked right in front of the car which inspired Rob to have to slam on his brakes. This guy happened to wear a plain black eye patch and wore long, fairly unkempt, vaguely curly hair. He gave us a look like were totally ruining his day (yes, pedestrians have the right of way, but MAYBE they should think about not walking right in front of moving vehicles from a blind spot). Scout asked us if he was a pirate and that tickled us greatly. The whole way home, Rob weaved stories about the Cedar Hills Pirate, they were all chock full of as many pirate stereotypes he could think of. Example: he was at Smiths buying Parrot food, his hook was being shined currently, and there were stories about being a land locked pirate living on your ship. You get the idea (we are awful). So that was a while ago (maybe 3 months?). A few days ago were were driving in Orem and Rob spotted a guy with the same general appearance standing on an intersection corner, he had no eye patch, but had a very crooked walking stick/cane thing. Rob said, "Scout! Do you think that is the pirate of Cedar Hills?" Scout was a tad disgruntled at the time and retorted, "Dad, you said he was just an old dude with an eye patch!"
Rob and I couldn't stop giggling, we remember her starting to get a little nervous about all the pirate talk that day and us ending it by assuring her that we were kidding and he wasn't a pirate. What we didn't remember and Scout was so kind to obviously remember verbatim-- exactly what Rob had said. We giggled mostly because it was the first time we had ever heard Scout say "dude".

Scout -4

Yesterday, I was tidying up the kitchen and Scout was sitting near the recycling garbage and watching me. She started playing with a milk jug that had been rinsed out some days ago, but had been sitting in a hot summer kitchen with some residual watery milk at the bottom for a long enough time to get nice and smelly. I wasn't paying attention and next thing I knew, she had spilled it on her clothes, hands and kiki. There was only a few drops, but certainly enough to make all those things nice and stinky. She was quite disgusted and smelled her hands and yelled, "mom! Why does it smell like toe?"

I may as well add this one, I found it quite funny and it just happened while writing the Cedar Hills Pirate story just now:
She was lying next to the desk and me while typing and looked around and noticed kiki wasn't around (a freshly washed kiki of course, she got put in the washer right after the milk incident, as it turns out, kiki isn't quite as popular smelling like toe -for either of us). I, for some reason teased her a little (I think I know why, I didn't want to be interrupted and have to stop to look for kiki). She started describing kiki to me (she's green and purple...) I tossed a small blanket that happened to be nearby on her and said "this is a blanket and it's purple". She said "it's green and purple" I said, "this blanket is purple", she- (starting to get a little perturbed) said, "it's GREEN and purple" then she snapped as that was enough teasing she could handle when it comes to kiki and said in a different, more serious, enough is enough voice, "it's KIKI you nut!!!"

Here is the latest dinosaur situation I have felt the need to take a picture of:

I think I am going to go through the posts and find all the funny dinosaur adventures my daughter has created and give them their own label. I guess I find the dinosaur adventures so funny because they are dinosaurs. If assorted dolls and little girl things were in their place, it wouldn't really fall under my radar. On a related note, I just noticed that she is holding up the piece of M&M she was saving for daddy. She found a half eaten package of M&M's today on daddy's table and I told her she could have them. She wanted to share them with daddy, so split them up. Needless to say, daddy's pile progressively got smaller and smaller until it was whittled down to one solitary, red M&M. Then, a little later she was eating it and said, this is the last piece, it's for daddy. For the record, that tiny sliver is still sitting on the desk, waiting for daddy to come home and enjoy.


As promised Cat, here is a taste of the kind of creepy munchkin like dance to Conor Oberst.
It's much better live action, but with a little imagination, you can fill in the blanks.

A Grudging Entry in the Journal of Funnies

Rob and I are standing in the kitchen and Scout comes in

Scout: Mom! Daddy is the king, and I am the Princess.
Me: So I'm the Queen?
Scout: No. You are the cow.

(Props to Rob for not laughing too hard and insisting to Scout that I was the Queen)

Wake up call

I woke up a few mornings ago to Scout shouting from her room (I can only imagine that what I heard was not her first attempt to get my attention). I woke up to, "Mom! I'm doing the potty dance!"

Now Scout is perfectly capable of going potty by herself. But, especially in the wee hours of the morning, she prefers company. Also, she often -as any respectable 3 year old does, denies that she needs to go potty. I often point out that she is incorrect, as she is dancing an unmistakable dance.

Hmmm..... This is very reminiscent of a journal of funnies entry of Cath's, that I can't quite remember.

Diamond Rooms, Reverent Raccoons and Dang It

The famed dinosaurs are back. This time they all got owies and needed Spongebob band aids.
She said they got "bites".

I decided that next time Scout said something funny, I would write it down a not post until I saved a few up. So I have a few, plus a few more entries into the "Scoutisms dictionary"

Scout made a little book in nursery called "Reverence Raccoon". She wanted me to read it to her on the way home from church, so I did.
It was about what you would expect it to be, such as being quiet in church, folding your arms, etc. After I read it, I said, "Are you going to be like Reverence Raccoon?"
She said, "No."
We were slightly off put and Rob and I just kind of looked at each other like, well ok- she has spoken. Then I said,
"Why not? It would be very nice to be like Reverence Raccoon." She just stayed silent.
About a minute later she said (with a little world weariness in her voice),
"I'll wear the costume later".
I suppose this was just a little close to Halloween.

Scout struggling with a toy (a little disk that shoots out smaller discs)
"Dang it!"
(Takes a quick glance at me)
"I don't like it when I say 'dang it', it's no good"
About one second later.............
"dang it!"

We had a little discussion about using 'dang it' about a week ago, I just mentioned that I would rather her not use that expression (I'm SURE it flies out of my own mouth in her presence about 15 times a day) so I was expecting this. Anyway the same day about 6 hours later she picked up the same toy, and even before she started playing with it said:

"I don't want to say "dang it" -sorry mom!"

(I didn't say a word! Nor did I even give her a look)

Scoutisms

The diamond room: Dining room. This took a long time for us to figure out. She is talking about the little room as you walk in the house to your right. I couldn't figure out why she would call that the diamond room. It is more of a sitting/TV room, but we do dine there quite a bit since it has a TV. But Rob and I have never referred to it as a dining room, we have one off of the kitchen.

I would like to introduce you all to "Milo and Notice". They do a lot of playing together, mostly in Scout's bathroom sink riding boats.

"Notice" just kills me every time.

My brain died when I started trying to remember Scoutisms. Maybe I can come up with more later, and post them. This was originally going to be a journal of funnies exert, but it turned into more shenanigans.

Sorry Art Garfunkel

This didn't happen today, but Rob and I remembered it today and started laughing and Rob asked me if it was in the Journal Of Funnies and I said no, and we agreed I better add it.

Some months back, while I was busily adding cds into my itunes, cds were stacked all around the computer. At the same time, Scout had some little jewel stickers that kind of looked like rhinestone kind of things, I think I had bought them for her quiet book and didn't end up wanting them. They kept cropping up in places and one night while I was elsewhere (work?) I THINK it was Rob who stuck a red rhinestone on Art Garfunkel's nose (it could have been Scout, but I am leaning towards Rob). Anyway he said, "Look Scout! It's Rudolph!" And she goes, "no daddy, that's a clown."This is the album (and picture) it was.

I would really love to photoshop a rhinestone on here so you guys can see exactly how funny this was but I don't currently have photoshop as we just got an updated computer. As it is, this may be a watered down version of a very funny observation by Scout. Oh well, it will always make Rob and I laugh.

Inwhich We Discover That Daddy Polar Bears are Much Like Scout's Daddy

Scout - 3

Today, Scout and I were watching Planet Earth (Ice World one) and we were watching that heartbreaking story where the father polar bear goes seal hunting for his starving family (and winds up stabbed by a walrus --nature is a mean, mean mistress). Luckily, Scout doesn't process all of these facts yet.
Anyway, the daddy polar bear is swimming in the ocean on his way, and Scout says, "mama polar bear is going to get some food"
I said, "actually, that is daddy polar bear."
So Scout says, "Oh, daddy polar bear is going to get some chicken and fries?"

Chicken and fries is about the only food Rob provides for Scout on the one day a week I am working.

Journal of Funnies

Boy my blog has exploded the last little bit! Sorry! Lots to say I guess. But I've got to do this now:

When we were kids, my mom kept this notebook called, "the Journal of Funnies". It was an old red notebook where she would jot down funny things we would say so she wouldn't forget. It was a brilliant idea, as some funny things kids say, get immortalized and told over and over, but many are forgotten days later and lost forever. This notebook is still pulled out every now and then when a group of us are together and we laugh and laugh and laugh at the memories.
I was talking to her a day or two ago and she told me it was time I bought myself a notebook and started one, as Scout is well in the age where one is appropriate, and I had just shared a funny story about what she said, and how I have my first entry. Well, I think I will buy one, but I may as well have a cyber one too. It's the 21st century and all and I happen to have this blog around. About an hour after this conversation with my mom, Scout said something that should be entry #2. Here they are to start it off!

Scout - almost 3
We were looking at a Planet Earth book she has and we were turned to a page about reindeer. I said, "guess what reindeer do?" She asked what, so I told her that they pull Santa's sleigh. She said, "No they don't!"
"Yes they do" I argued, "if reindeer don't do it, then what pulls Santa's sleigh?"
She thought long and hard about that. Then she says, "a witch!"

Scout - 3
We were rummaging through boxes looking for a book for Rob, and Scout found a box of her old baby toys. She was still looking and pulling out old stuff and having the time of her life. So I went upstairs and went in the bedroom. Rob was across the hall in the office and Scout comes upstairs and goes into the office and holds up a set of those pastel, plastic, over sized keys every baby in the world has and tells Rob, "look dad, I found my stupid car keys".

Hee hee. That's my fault. I guess every time I mention my car keys, they are lost and I'm looking for them, and are therefore, "stupid".

A Very Early (and very funny) Morning

Scout - 3

I had to get up early this morning to get to Riverside to work at the annual Labor Day bash (ugg). So of course I get to bed no earlier then 3 cause I'm an idiot. Guess what woke me up at 6:30 in the morning, (an hour and a half earlier then needed)? The fire alarm in the hallway decided to chose that morning (and time) to run low on batteries. -I told this story tonight to my father in law and he and I agreed that such devices actually have souls (devious ones).- Well ours thought it would be great to act up this particular morning. What stopped me from taking a golf club to it and hacking it until it died was after each little beep! beep! it would give off in it's 3 minute increments, I could hear Scout pipe up and imitate the noise from her bed. So it would go beep! beep! then a second later Scout would go beep! beep!. I had to smile in spite of my tired self. Then, after about five rounds of that, the alarm did it's beep! beep! and Scout goes, "please stop".